PRESIDENT PALIN

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- Davis Fleetwood
Two week ago, when John Heilemann wrote a cover story for New York Magazine outlining the perfect storm that could carry Sarah Palin to a Presidential election victory in 2012, I would have told you that Sarah was much more powerful as a king-maker and not a King.

And then she went and bragged to Barbara Walters that she can beat Obama in 2012 this.

Hah ha. Funny. In an Armageddon kind of way right? We can’t be that stupid, can we?  Well… in the immortal slogan of an era long ago: yes we can!

So I decided to re-read Hielman’s article to see if his logic held water. I think I can summarize the article in this way. 1: Palin is doing all of the little behind the scenes things you do to lay the groundwork for a run. 2: The only other major GOP contender is Mitt Romney, who both fails to inspire and has the albatross of having served as Gov of Massachusetts when that state passed a healthcare plan that looks a lot like the plan that has all of the Randian Regressives calling Obama a socialist. B: The White House is eating this up, thinking that Palin is so polarizing that she could not possibly win, but motherfucken thirdly; NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg will launch a credible, Ross Perot style independent campaign. And in these polarizing times, with populist fervor on both the left and the right and the economy showing no signs of improving, it is a crap shoot with the odds on favorite in this scenario being Palin.

“She’s a supernova,” says former Bush advisor Mark McKinnon. “The only parallel is Barack Obama. And look what happened to him.”

In this scenario, those who interpret the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012 as a portent of the end of time may well be right. Because the nuclear codes will then fall into the lap of a woman who thinks the earth is only 6 thousand years old and that our illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan are Gods wars, that “God” is on our side.

Now, I know that my views, and how I present them, often earn me the scorn of those who would label me an elitist liberal snob.

You know why I am snob? Why I am elitist? Because liberals – or progressives are right. You are wrong. End of story.

When conservative forces in the south were arguing for separate but equal facilities for blacks during the civil rights struggle, does any version of history look back and exonerate the apes that held onto the conservative position? No!

Twenty years from now, when you are trying to explain to children why there was so much debate over Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and Gay Marriage, whose side will you be on? The Fred Phelps hate mongers and Military macho dick wavers who want to keep gays in the closet?

No. Twenty years from now, you will look back at this time and think, what was the problem? Why were we dragging our knuckles like apes?

Sarah Palin is a regressive with a growing army of grown men in Halloween Colonial Garb or crucifix clutchers or Ayn Rand disciples who will, if given the full reigns of this country, send us back to the Stone Age. Palin and her followers will disagree, of course, on the grounds that since archeologists place the Stone Age about 700,00 years ago and therefore 694 thousand years before their world began, that my conclusions are irrational and mathematically impossible.

But a serious run from the barracuda seems more and more plausible. What do you think- two years out; whom do you see winning the Presidential election in 2012?

Tina Fey: Sarah Palin Success Good for All Women

This Tuesday, November 23rd I will be performing live — doing 10 minutes of stand up at the Gotham Comedy Club in NYC. It is my first attempt ever at stand up. The potential for complete disaster is very high. So either way this shit is going to be entertaining. I am giving away 10 FREE tickets to the event. If you can make it to NYC next Tuesday night — send me an email- NOCUREFORTHATPRODUCTIONS@GMAIL.COM

What About Building 7?

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Family members of 9/11 victims, appearing in a new a new Television ad campaign are making some serious inroads into mainstream media outlets suggesting that the official story of 9/11, as told by the U.S. government, is a lie. Well, that is if you consider Geraldo Rivera a serious inroad. That, and why the hell am I wearing a jacket and tie today, November 16th, on The Hermit with Davis Fleetwood?

First, here is the 30-second spot, produced by a group called BuildingWhat.org.

Enter stage right, Geraldo Rivera, who said on his show recently, “Up until now, only those considered nut jobs questioned the official conclusion. Saying the new television ad was not easy to dismiss, Rivera said: “”If explosives were involved,” he that would mean the most obnoxious protesters in recent years … were right.”

Somewhere, right now, Charlie Sheen is doing lines of coke off of Rosie O’Donnell’s back as the former View host does her triceps stretches as she prepares to come out of hiding and pat her self on the back.

I know what you are thinking: Geraldo is still on Fox? I thought his show moved to Manhattan cable access in the newly available slot between Debbie’s Dungeon of Delight and Baklava Beatnik poetry slam. Damn! I have been angling for that time slot for years! Foiled again!

No. Geraldo is still on Fox. In a suit. And people are more likely to take him seriously than say, a hermit who broadcasts from his basement.

Lies are often more comfortable than truth. Here are some lies, which, if true, might make the world a happier place:

Santa Claus. Your ass looks great in those jeans. Pearl Harbor was a surprise attack. Father knows best. Size doesn’t matter.  JFK was killed by a lone gunman acting alone. You’ll love it at Levitz. And building 7, despite the fact that WTC landlord Larry Silverstein said on air in a PBS documentary that the building was brought down in a controlled demolition, was actually brought down because of fire- making it one of only three skyscrapers in history to do so.

Want to guess what the other two building were?

Even I lie. I am no Hermit. Clearly. And, like “Sting” or “the artist formerly know as Prince” or even “Mark Twain” my name is not even my name. CNN was rude enough to point this out in July of 2007:

Damn you John Roberts. And adjust your earpiece asshat, it is Groton, Massachusetts, not Groaten.

Why use an alias? My thinking when I started that was that all of politics and punditry is a stage – a scripted piece double speak distraction mind numbing infotainment. I thought that to play with the big boys, I had to become one of them. I had to literally become a character. My former sign off gesture, dancing like grown man who lost his white boy pills at the close of every show, was a not so subtle gesture to you all that my lie was equal parts entertainment and punditry.

Soon- December 11th, to be exact, THE HERMIT will cease production and I’ll appear on another YouTube channel, no longer wielding an alias.

I’ll take my material and perform live in clubs and see how long I can last without getting beer bottles thrown at me.

Got any foreign policy jokes?

I’m not retiring; I am taking it up a notch.

As far as the official stories behind why we dropped bombs on Vietnam, Hiroshima, Nagasaki; or the virginal status of myth named Mary; or the reasons building 7 came down you should know that all official stories behind these events are lies.

And you can trust me, because, well, I am wearing a tie.

U.S. Occupation of Iraq To Continue Indefinitely

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-Davis Fleetwood
TRANSCRIPT:

Dear Veterans: Thank you for making the ultimate sacrifice. Your willingness to die protecting our country is truly heroic. And since you have been wounded and killed and lost years of your life fighting illegal wars of aggression for the past 60 years, your country owes you much much more than an apology.

Certainly, I’m sorry, will not due for those 50,000 who still have boots on the ground in Iraq if they make it out alive to become Veterans.  Particularly since the U.S. is prepared to ditch the 2011 deadline to leave Iraq.

What a President lied to the American people about the intentions of our military? I don’t believe it the next thing you are going to tell me is that Santa Claus is not –Oh no. Don’t do that to me. Not so close to the holidays.

U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates said Tuesday-

Wait a second. Robert Gates was the Defense Secretary under Bush. And Bush is a war criminal.  Hope and change swept into Washington. Perhaps I am reading an old newspaper article as the source for my story today.

Is it possible that Barack Obama retained the same Secretary of Defense that was implementing the Bush Doctrine? The illegal wars of aggression that violate the U.S. Constitution, the UN Charter and laws of basic human decency?

This is supposed to be the mutha fucken change I can believe in?
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The Anti-American Manifesto ♦ Olbermann Returns ♦ Kendra Wilkinson’s Playboy Pictorial

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-Davis Fleetwood

TRANSCRIPT
Playboy magazine’s Kendra Wilkinson is doing her thing to make motherhood sexy, Keith Olbermann gets out of detention and more crazy left-wing radicals come out of the woodwork calling for violent revolution.

This is the Hermit with Davis Fleetwood for November 10th.

Okay so yesterday, I had some fun at Glenn Beck’s expense for whipping his Archie Bunker Racist Regressive audience into frenzy about a coming “Event”- an Oklahoma City Style event that would be launched by the radical left so that Obama could step in to unite the Country.

Enter stage left, cartoonist Ted Rall, who began his publicity tour for a book called The Anti American Manifesto. Ted Rall appeared on yesterday on MSNBC’s Dylan Rattigan show (video below transcript), where Dylan lobbed in the question: “Are things in our country so bad, that it may be time for a revolution? The answer obviously is ‘yes’ ,the only question is ‘how to do it?”

Note to over eager Glenn Beck fans: Rattigan himself did not qualify the noun “revolution” with the adjective “violent”, but he does not have a book to sell. Rall does, and I am buying it. Matter of fact, I am going to make The “Anti American Manifesto” the Davis Fleetwood book of the month selection.

It reminds me of a satirical project that I launched and abandoned well over a year ago called the 9/12 project- a rejoinder to the Glenn Beck 9/10 project that was calling for the peaceful break up of the United States into four smaller countries.

Perhaps I will bring the 9/12 Project back. Show of hands for those interested in that?
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BECK: “Domestic Terror Attack Imminent; Violent Left Wing Americans will be behind it”

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- Davis Fleetwood

Yesterday, Professor Glenn Beck informed his viewers, or should I say the scholars enrolled in his course “Obama- Will-Be-Rounding-You-Up-and-Jailing-You-Any-Day-Now -101” that a looming violent event is coming in America. Now, no prerequisites are required to enroll in Professor Beck’s class, as a matter of fact, the lower your level of education, the more likely you are to excel. Prof. Beck does not want anyone tainted with the brainwashing doled out by the liberal education system. No, the ideas of American Exceptionalism and Manifest Destiny were taught in one room school houses like those on the Little House on the Prairie, and our education system need not instill us with any more than that.

Isn’t that so, Professor Beck?
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Democrats vs. Republicans: A Call to Arms

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-Davis Fleetwood

Watching George Bush do his publicity talk show tour to publicize his memoir, DECISION POINTS, I could not help think- how impotent does one have to become, Matt Lauer, before you hand picked among the impotent members of the fawning corporate media to pitch soft balls to a living former president who will ride his blithe and arrogant admissions of war crimes all the way to the top of New York Times Best seller list?

But then I immediately think the following: George Bush and Republicans all, every last one of them, are shit stains on the sweat drenched panties of a 2 dollar street walker who is suffering from rectal bleeding in the aftermath of a Taco Bell binge on humid night on mean streets of Memphis.

Is that clear?

I know that Jon Stewart is riding his wave of lets all be nice nice and meet in the middle for polite, sane hyperbole free conversation, grabbing enough moderate slacktivist with him to overtake, for the first time ever, Letterman and Leno in the late night ratings game.

But Stewart, whose heart was in the right place, never the less made a few boneheaded, narrow-minded errors while contorting himself to give equal criticism of the left and the right in the lead up to his million moderate meh fest.

Bill Mahr recently pointed out that Stewart was critical of both sides using overheated rhetoric in that the right was equating Obama with Hitler and the left was calling George Bush a war criminal. Except, thinking Obama is like Hitler is utterly unfounded, but thinking Bush is a war criminal? That’s the opinion of General Anthony Tugabu, who headed the Army’s investigation of Abu Ghraib.

One bit of stigma that liberals and progressives need to get past is the idea that we are elitist snobs. In trying to accommodate all points of view and invite debate, we progressives have been to accommodating and ignored one simple fact: we are right. Republicans, Conservative, Tea baggers are regressive. They are wrong.

I know at times it is difficult to see the forest through the trees, but think:

When conservative forces in the south were arguing for separate but equal facilities for blacks during the civil rights struggle, does any version of history look back and exonerate the apes that held onto the conservative position?

With the benefit of hindsight, is there anyone who can say that the toll, in human lives was worth out involvement in the Vietnam War? It was progressives who wanted us out of that war based on lies sold to us by men like Robert McNamara.

Twenty years from now, when you are trying to explain to children why there was so much debate over Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and Gay Marriage, whose side will you be on? The Fred Phelps hate mongers and Military macho dick wavers who want to keep gays in the closet?

No. Twenty years from now, you will look back at this time and think, what was the problem? Why were we dragging our knuckles like apes?

Place yourself in any one of those historical struggles I mentioned and ask yourself, whose side would you want to be on?

Progressives are so named because we favor progress towards a more equitable and just world, not just change for change sake. To be anything but a liberal progressive is to be regressive.

George Bush is a war criminal. The disparity between the rich and poor in not acceptable. Health care for all, while cutting out the profit based insurance companies- is a non negotiable. Expensive, illegal wars of aggression must end.

On these and so many more issues, there is no middle ground. There is no compromise. And unless you look at the world through confederate flag lenses or clutch to your dashboard Jesus so tight that you are not willing to say with certainty whether the world is 6 thousand or 6million years old, you know this.

It is time to start fighting for it.

Democrats, who in 2006, 2008, and 2010 tried to find a middle ground between the two parties – a middle ground that keep drifting further and further right- need to energize their base of liberal progressives or their base needs must flock to a third party.

American Empire Produces 11 Global Winners — Hint: They Aren’t the Good Guys

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written by Tom Englehardt/ Tomdispatch.com

You couldn’t turn on the TV news or pick up a paper during the election season without stumbling across the latest political poll and the pros explaining how to parse it, or some set of commentators, pundits, and reporters placing their bets on the election results.  The media, of course, loves a political horse race and, as those 2010 midterms approached, you could easily feel like you weren’t catching the news but visiting an Off-Track Betting parlor.

Fortified by rounds of new polls and all those talking heads calibrating and recalibrating prospective winners and losers, seats “leaning Democratic” and “leaning Republican,” the election season essentially became an endless handicapping session.  This is how American politics is now framed — as a months or years-long serial election for which November 2nd is a kind of hangover.  Then, only weeks after the results are in, the next set of polls will be out and election 2012, the Big Show, will be on the agenda with all the regular handicappers starting to gather at all the usual places.

Doesn’t it strike you as odd, though, that this mania for handicapping remains so parochially electoral?  After all, it could be applied to so many things, including the state of the world at large as seen from Washington.  So consider this my one-man tip sheet on what you could think of as the global midterms, focused on prospective winners and losers, as well as those “on the cusp,” including crucial countries and key personalities.

Prospective Winners

Osama bin Laden: Who woulda thunk it?  More than nine years after 9/11, Osama bin Laden and his number two compadre, Ayman al-Zawahiri, are believed to be alive, well, and living comfortably in the Pakistani borderlands with not a cave in sight, according to the best guesstimate of a “NATO official who has day-to-day responsibility for the war in Afghanistan.”  With the globe’s “sole superpower” eternally on his trail — admittedly, the Bush administration took a few years off from the “hunt” to crash and burn in Iraq — he’s a prospective global winner just for staying alive.  But before we close the books on him, he gets extra points for a singular accomplishment: with modest funds and a few thousand ragtag masked recruits, swinging on monkey bars and clambering over obstacles in “camps” in Afghanistan, he managed to lure the United States into two financially disastrous, inconclusive wars, one in its eighth year, the other in its tenth.  To give credit where it’s due, he had help from the Bush administration with its dominatrix-like global fantasies.  Still, it’s not often that someone can make his dreams your nightmares on such a scale.

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Slacktivist

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Slacktivist.
Noun
1. One who, when faced with fact that we are waging illegal, immoral and expensive wars, seeks middle ground between a progressive agenda that seeks peace and justice, and a regressive tea bagging right wing agenda based on fear and Archie Bunkeresque ignorance, racism, and stupidity.

I have taken some heat, perhaps justifiably so, for the snarky treatment I hoisted upon my fellow left wingers, many of whom attended their first ever political rally of any kind this past weekend at the Stewart / Colbert rally to restore sanity and or fear.

People have said I was condescending. That I am not a journalist. That I deserved to be beaten.

All of this, of course, is 100% correct.

I am not a journalist. Investigative entertainer, perhaps. Journalist, no. I was, in fact, condescending. True- I think we all need to do more, myself included to stop the human race from literally killing itself. Holding a mirror up to other people is a job that will make you some enemies. My aim was to provoke discussion.

And coin a new word.

Slacktivist
Noun
1. One who, when faced with fact that we are waging illegal, immoral and expensive wars, seeks middle ground between a progressive agenda that seeks peace and justice, and a regressive tea bagging right wing agenda based on fear and Archie Bunkeresque ignorance, racism, and stupidity.

First of all, a point of clarity. I have been accused of bandying about my own opinions with a reckless disregard for facts. And quite often, that accusation would be correct. But every single war the United States has waged post WW2 has been illegal. Congress is the branch of government endowed by the constitution to declare war, not the executive branch, but is now power hungry presidents enabled by a feeble ad neutered Legislative branch that take us to war.
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2010 Elections: “Oh No We Didn’t!”

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-Davis Fleetwood
Four years ago, the Democrats took over Congress. We put them there to stop funding our illegal wars. We wanted President Bush impeached for War crimes. They told us, thanks for your support in getting us into office, but we need to secure the 2008 Presidential election before we do anything radical.

And so, two years ago, they got what they wanted. Yet Congress continued to fund our illegal and immoral wars. And so yesterday, voter engagement on the left was about as enthusiastic as a medical patient suffering a hemorrhoid flare up on the day of a colonoscopy.

And I know Jacob Soberoff’s aptly named organization, “Why Tuesday?”, has covered this ground but why do we vote on Tuesday anyway?

This Tuesday shit is an agrarian era holdover that is a major obstacle to electoral engagement. We vote on Tuesdays in November because it is after harvest & allowed farmers a day to travel to towns & cities (Church on Sunday, work every other day). Why do we still vote on Tuesday when 60% of the population typically does not vote in non-presidential years?

Election day should be a holiday. Or, if the capitalist slave drivers don’t want to give us a day off why can’t we vote on Saturday? Or imagine if elections could take place over – GASP – 2 days on Saturday AND Sunday. Would more people vote? You bet your ass they would. We can only assume that Congress does not want everyone voting.

Seriously, this Tuesday thing is bullshit!
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