World Cup Preview: England World Cup Coach Implementing SEX Surveillance

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by Davis Fleetwood

For many athletes, the opportunity to play in the world cup will only come along once in a lifetime. While cunning linguists may have picked up on the pun in that previous sentence, the coach for England World Cup team has banned his team from that activity. Sex, that is, not punning. It would take a stroke of genius to punning from the English dictionary. But the English players will not be subjected to strokes of any kind, as their has installed video cameras in their hotel rooms in an Orwellian maneuver that is sure to result in England playing with blue balls. Perhaps this is why striker Carlton Cole was cut from the team: he is now squeezing the former triple xxx Tiger Woods mistress Joslyn James.

Not to miss a beat, members of the 1994 Brazilian team are telling reporters that sex was a big part of their World Cup Championship run. Branco, a fullback for the championship team said that his son was conceived during the tournament.

The Argentinean team doctor sees no point in is players going off half cocked, and has given the go ahead for his players and their partners to lick themselves into shape and engage in flagrante delicto. Within limits.

“The players can have sex with their wives and girlfriends during the World Cup” Dr. Donato Vallani said, “Players are not Martians.”

“But,” he added, “It should not be at 2 a.m. with champagne and Havana cigars.”

What would he say to1AM snorting Bolivian coke out of the anal cavity of any one of the Russian sex worker?
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