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Tiger Woods and The New Sexual Revolution! or; How to throw a kink in the chain of Capitalism while getting more kink in your love life: A Valentines Day Challenge.
by Davis Fleetwood
If Capitalism hangs it hat on anything, it could be this simple formula: Get married. Have kids. Buy shit you don’t need. Repeat.
While the nation drools over the Tiger Woods Vanity Fair photos, investors in three public companies that sponsor him including Gatorade and Nike – experienced a 4.3% drop in stock value by years end. $12 Billion.
Tiger is doing his part to tame Capitalism, what are you doing?
The Tiger Woods scandal broke because he upset the apple cart of the runaway Capitalist freight train grooving on the distinctly Christian tracks.
Listen to FOX NEWS anchor Brit Hume on Tiger:
Memo to Brit Hume: the combination Christianity and capitalism are bringing us all exponentially closer to the end of the world.
It think it was Che Guevera who said: “Some are born great. Some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.”
Tiger was certainly born great, the son of another known philanderer, Earl Woods was presenting the Tiger Woods dog and pony show on Jonny Carson at an age when most parents smash face to face with the clichéd reality of the terrible twos.
Tiger certainly achieved greatness, becoming arguably the greatest golfer to ever play the game.
And he certainly thrust his greatness on every cocktail waitress between Tinsletown and Tasmania. But now we have a chance to thrust greatness on Tiger Woods, all in the name of taming a Capitalist culture that has raged on out of control, driving more and more wealth upwards while half of the world’s population has its hands on only 1% of the world’s wealth.
That is a lot of people who can’t afford the February edition of Vanity Fair.
His role as a pitchman is done not only because his perfect aura has been broken, but also because the very institution of marriage is a requirement for the mathematically impossible aspiration of an ever-expanding capitalist state.
Get married. Have kids. Buy shit you don’t need. Repeat.
Capitalism, like the old boy network that condones philanders (when practice discreetly, of course) is a predatory beast.
Want to throw a kink in the chain and bring some kink into you life? Cheat. Cheat on your spouse, your partner, your lover.
But do it with your partners consent.
That is right- practice consensual non-monogamy. Do it tonight. Send me a thank you card later. But be warned: To do so, you will need to cast off the patriarchal; daddy knows best predatory view of the world. Men, this means your women get to stray as well.
Gay me figured this out a long time ago. That is why they are so, well, happy.
So Ladies, fair ladies: tie your man to a bed post, Strap on a dildo and make him watch you peg his best friend, and then, when he can’t take it any longer- go for a ride on- what do the kids call it nowadays? Yes, go for a ride on his disco stick.
Then send me the pictures.
I’m Davis Fleetwood. I stay in, so you can go out.
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Find THE HERMIT WITH DAVIS FLEETWOOD on YouTube, on iTunes on Facebook
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