by Davis Fleetwood
Are you ready for some football???
“For the last six months all we’ve seen is U.S.-England,” said Landon Donovan Wednesday. “And so, if you were a casual sports fan at home, you might think that this was the World Cup final, U.S. vs. England.”
Actually Landon, the casual sport fan in the U.S., after they say, “Landon who?” Is more likely to be saying “Soccer, please God no. Give me badminton, give me curling, give me single A Baseball- gives me the Myrtle Beach Pelicans Vs. the Winston Salem Cancer Sticks. No, you know what, give me avant-garde French cinema. Give me Un Chien andalou and put that scene with the razor blades over they eyeball on repeat for the entire month give me anything but don’t give me soccer- and don’t you dare call it football. Football is for men and steeped in war metaphor with bombs and blitzes and aerial attacks. Football is American. Soccer is for commies!!!
But I am not like most Americans Landon. I have not been so excited for a sporting event since my 9-year-old football travel team, the Sachem Redskins, played for the Suffolk County Championship. Our coaches whipped us into a frenzy by having us sing this song on the bus to the game- imagine a group full of 9 year boys frothing at the mouth and singing:
Blood on the saddle
Blood on the ground
Great big puddles of blood all around
Pity on Wyandanch, isn’t it sad?
Great big Sachem stomped on their heads!
U! U! U! U! U!
UPSIDE THEIR HEADS!
U! U! U! U! U!
UPSIDE THEIR HEADS!
Yeah. American youth football culture is all kinds of fucked up.
Listen: It is not only a side effect but also an object of American Football to hurt your players. Embedded in both our pop and youth culture, it prepares us for war. In Soccer- or real football – they trade jerseys after the game.
America celebrates the individual. Soccer- or real football- is about cooperation. No one player can impose their will on the game Kobe Bryant style. It is the ultimate team sport.
Remember, we are Cowboys.
Plus (and here is the real problem)the game never stops, when are we supposed to air commercials? How are we supposed to use this sport to hypnotize our consumers that they should drive to Wal-Mart after the game and rack up credit card debt trying to make our living rooms look like the latest spread in Martha Stewart Living?
And that right there, as any good Any Randian Regressive Tea Bagging American will tell you, is where the problem lies: Soccer- or real football- is a socialist plot to subvert capitalism and take over the world.
For the love of humanity, we can only hope so.
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A freelance writer, Davis Fleetwood has worked as a writer/ media consultant for Dennis Kucinich’s 2008 presidential campaign and served as a contributing editorial commentator for The Uptake. His videos have been seen by over 14 million viewers. He has been called (among many other things) “one of the most prominent voices in YouTube politics.” (-You Tube News & Politics chief, Steve Grove) He was a “Best of YouTube, 2007” nomination. His book DROPPIN’ KNOWLEDGE LIKE A CLUMSY LIBRARIAN, is now available from No Cure For That Press, and his first full length feature documentary, MANIFEST DESTINY’S CHILD, is due out on DVD this June.
THE HERMIT WITH DAVIS FLEETWOOD is a sometimes serious, sometimes satiric look at the top headlines, current events, and political trends. The show is Independently produced by a staff of one & runs on the fuel of your individual donations.
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