The 2010 FIFA WORLD CUP: a socialist plot to subvert capitalism and take over the world.

Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter

by Davis Fleetwood
Are you ready for some football???

“For the last six months all we’ve seen is U.S.-England,” said Landon Donovan Wednesday. “And so, if you were a casual sports fan at home, you might think that this was the World Cup final, U.S. vs. England.”

Actually Landon, the casual sport fan in the U.S., after they say, “Landon who?” Is more likely to be saying “Soccer, please God no. Give me badminton, give me curling, give me single A Baseball- gives me the Myrtle Beach Pelicans Vs. the Winston Salem Cancer Sticks. No, you know what, give me avant-garde French cinema. Give me Un Chien andalou and put that scene with the razor blades over they eyeball on repeat for the entire month give me anything but don’t give me soccer- and don’t you dare call it football. Football is for men and steeped in war metaphor with bombs and blitzes and aerial attacks. Football is American. Soccer is for commies!!!

But I am not like most Americans Landon. I have not been so excited for a sporting event since my 9-year-old football travel team, the Sachem Redskins, played for the Suffolk County Championship. Our coaches whipped us into a frenzy by having us sing this song on the bus to the game- imagine a group full of 9 year boys frothing at the mouth and singing:

Blood on the saddle
Blood on the ground
Great big puddles of blood all around
Pity on Wyandanch, isn’t it sad?
Great big Sachem stomped on their heads!
U! U! U! U! U!
UPSIDE THEIR HEADS!
U! U! U! U! U!
UPSIDE THEIR HEADS!

Yeah. American youth football culture is all kinds of fucked up.

Why is the America the lone holdout in the entire world to hold real football in disdain? Cuz we are Cowboys. We are Hypercapitalist war mongering Cowboys.

Listen: It is not only a side effect but also an object of American Football to hurt your players. Embedded in both our pop and youth culture, it prepares us for war. In Soccer- or real football – they trade jerseys after the game.
Continue reading

Palin Chides Obama Over Gulf Oil Spill: ‘Give Me A Call’

Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter
by Davis Fleetwood

The former Miss Wassilla 1984 wants Barack Obama to pick up the phone and call her so that she can leverage her extensive executive experience and help the President navigate the increasingly murky waters of the BP OIL disaster.

I kid you not. I’ve got another idea; Obama should be calling in the Gambino family to deal with this mess.

Palin wrote that Obama’s comments amount to “further proof that it bodes well to have some sort of executive experience before occupying the Oval Office,” and added that the president should call experts who lived through the 1989 Exxon-Valdez oil spill in Alaska – including herself.

“Based on my experience working with oil execs as an oil regulator and then as a Governor, you must verify what the oil companies claim – because their perception of circumstances and situations dealing with public resources and public trust is not necessarily shared by those who own America’s public resources and trust.”

Okay, I will not waste time absolving Obama here. Despite his recent claims that he is going to whoop some ass, delivered in the same polite tone one might use to deliver an elementary school commencement speech- the white house is to intertwined with wall street and big business to do anything meaningful on the ass kicking front.

However, if Palin is going to suggest that any involvement she- or any other executive in Alaska- had a relationship with Exxon that resulted in anything other than a rape – on so many levels- a casebook study in how corporations violate the citizens of this country while our elected officials stand impotently on the sidelines, then a quick review as some basic facts is required:
Continue reading

World Cup Preview: England World Cup Coach Implementing SEX Surveillance

Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter
by Davis Fleetwood

For many athletes, the opportunity to play in the world cup will only come along once in a lifetime. While cunning linguists may have picked up on the pun in that previous sentence, the coach for England World Cup team has banned his team from that activity. Sex, that is, not punning. It would take a stroke of genius to punning from the English dictionary. But the English players will not be subjected to strokes of any kind, as their has installed video cameras in their hotel rooms in an Orwellian maneuver that is sure to result in England playing with blue balls. Perhaps this is why striker Carlton Cole was cut from the team: he is now squeezing the former triple xxx Tiger Woods mistress Joslyn James.

Not to miss a beat, members of the 1994 Brazilian team are telling reporters that sex was a big part of their World Cup Championship run. Branco, a fullback for the championship team said that his son was conceived during the tournament.

The Argentinean team doctor sees no point in is players going off half cocked, and has given the go ahead for his players and their partners to lick themselves into shape and engage in flagrante delicto. Within limits.

“The players can have sex with their wives and girlfriends during the World Cup” Dr. Donato Vallani said, “Players are not Martians.”

“But,” he added, “It should not be at 2 a.m. with champagne and Havana cigars.”

What would he say to1AM snorting Bolivian coke out of the anal cavity of any one of the Russian sex worker?
Continue reading

BP TO FILE CHAPTER 11?

Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter
by Davis Fleetwood


While a few out of work gulf fisherman are earning extra cash skimming oil for BP, bankers and lawyers are working overtime as well, drafting bankruptcy papers and takeover deals. Before you cheer the downfall of BP, ask yourself: where will all of the liability go?

According to Andrew Ross Sorkin’s article in the New York Times: “The idea that BP might one day file for bankruptcy, particularly as part of a merger that would enable it to cordon off its liabilities from the spill, is starting to percolate on Wall Street.”
Continue reading

Jon Stewart Takes On Helen Thomas For Israel Remarks

Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter
by Davis Fleetwood

Jon Stewart didn’t bitch slap Helen Thomas last night, so much as he ushered her quietly out the door. Thomas, the dean of the white house press corps who is being sacrificed on the alter of AIPAC after she made some admittedly insensitive remarks about Jews residing in Israel, will be remembered for saying that Jews should get the hell out of Palestine” and go back to Germany and Poland.
Continue reading