Pope Benedict, Despite Condom Issues, To Penetrate Her Majesty’s Country

Pope Benedict, Despite Condom Issues, To Penetrate Her Majesty’s Country
by Davis Fleetwood

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A representative of Her Majesty’s civil service has generated a memo- intended as a joke for his co-workers and not for worldwide Internet consumption- and the Vatican is not laughing. Who would have guessed that this head the worldwide criminal syndicate and champion of 17^th century drag queen fashion trends would also lack a sense of humor?

First, the memo:  Steven Mulvain, a recent Oxford graduate, is the man who distributed an internal government “brainstorming” memo proposing a bizarre itinerary to mark Pope Benedict’s September visit to the U.K. that reads more like a SNL sketch than something generated by the austere Foreign affairs office. The suggested itinerary for the Pope includes, in the now infamous “IDEAL VISIT” memo includes such activities as a launch of “Benedict” condoms, a blessing of a gay marriage, a Papal sponsorship of  a network of AIDS clinics, a training course for bishops on child abuse allegations and ordain a female priest and Topping it all off with the Pope and Her Majesty sing a duet for charity and changing the national anthem from God Save The Queen to God Save the World.

The Vatican was furious. Senior Papal aides suggested the Foreign Office had not taken strong enough disciplinary action against those responsible for the document. It turns out that Steven Mulvain, the author of the memo, was not fired. He was, in an ironic twist sure to win over the dry cerebral humor of the English, simply relocated to another department.

The news comes on the heels of prominent atheist such as Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens calling for the arrest of the pope for crimes against humanity during the Pope’s upcoming visit. Dawkins defended his position in a recent Washington post article, describing Benny as

A leering old villain in a frock, a man whose preaching of scientific falsehood is responsible for the deaths of countless AIDS victims in Africa; a man whose first instinct when his priests are caught with their pants down is to cover up the scandal and damn the young victims to silence.

The Vatican has brushed aside such charges, not by defending them, but by asserting that The Pope is a head of State, and not subject to such criminal charges.

The Vatican has even gone so far as threatening to cancel the trip, but has since promised that Pope Benedict, despite the condom issues, will Penetrate Her Majesty’s Country.

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This work by Davis Fleetwood is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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A freelance writer, Davis Fleetwood has worked as a writer/ media consultant for Dennis Kucinich’s 2008 presidential campaign and served as a contributing editorial commentator for The Uptake. His videos have been seen by over 14 million viewers. He has been called (among many other things) “one of the most prominent voices in YouTube politics.” (-You Tube News & Politics chief, Steve Grove) He was a “Best of YouTube, 2007” nomination. His book I Stay In So You Can Go Out, is due out in May from No Cure For That Press, and his first full length feature documentary, MANIFEST DESTINY’S CHILD, is due out on DVD this June.

THE HERMIT WITH DAVIS FLEETWOOD is a sometimes serious, sometimes satiric look at the top headlines, current events, and political trends. The show is Independently produced by a staff of one & runs on the fuel of your individual donations.

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Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, ‘But Not Because He’s Black Or Anything’

From THE ONION: Suspect Alex Croft, who has a ton of black friends, planned to kill Obama because of his socialist agenda—not because of his skin color.

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Taibbi: The Lunatics Who Made a Religion Out of Greed and Wrecked the Economy

This article was originally published in The Guardian ♦ Written by Matt Taibbi

So Goldman Sachs, the world’s greatest and smuggest investment bank, has been sued for fraud by the American Securities and Exchange Commission. Legally, the case hangs on a technicality.

Morally, however, the Goldman Sachs case may turn into a final referendum on the greed-is-good ethos that conquered America sometime in the 80s – and in the years since has aped other horrifying American trends such as boybands and reality shows in spreading across the western world like a venereal disease.

When Britain and other countries were engulfed in the flood of defaults and derivative losses that emerged from the collapse of the American housing bubble two years ago, few people understood that the crash had its roots in the lunatic greed-centered objectivist religion, fostered back in the 50s and 60s by ponderous emigre novelist Ayn Rand.

While, outside of America, Russian-born Rand is probably best known for being the unfunniest person western civilisation has seen since maybe Goebbels or Jack the Ripper (63 out of 100 colobus monkeys recently forced to read Atlas Shrugged in a laboratory setting died of boredom-induced aneurysms), in America Rand is upheld as an intellectual giant of limitless wisdom. Here in the States, her ideas are roundly worshipped even by people who’ve never read her books or even heard of her. The rightwing “Tea Party” movement is just one example of an entire demographic that has been inspired to mass protest by Rand without even knowing it.

Last summer I wrote a brutally negative article about Goldman Sachs for Rolling Stone magazine (I called the bank a “great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity”) that unexpectedly sparked a heated national debate. On one side of the debate were people like me, who believed that Goldman is little better than a criminal enterprise that earns its billions by bilking the market, the government, and even its own clients in a bewildering variety of complex financial scams.