Tiger Woods and The New Sexual Revolution!

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Tiger Woods and The New Sexual Revolution! or; How to throw a kink in the chain of Capitalism while getting more kink in your love life: A Valentines Day Challenge.
by Davis Fleetwood

If Capitalism hangs it hat on anything, it could be this simple formula: Get married. Have kids. Buy shit you don’t need. Repeat.

While the nation drools over the Tiger Woods Vanity Fair photos, investors in three public companies that sponsor him including Gatorade and Nike – experienced a 4.3% drop in stock value by years end. $12 Billion.

Tiger is doing his part to tame Capitalism, what are you doing?

The Tiger Woods scandal broke because he upset the apple cart of the runaway Capitalist freight train grooving on the distinctly Christian tracks.

Listen to FOX NEWS anchor Brit Hume on Tiger:

Memo to Brit Hume: the combination Christianity and capitalism are bringing us all exponentially closer to the end of the world.

It think it was Che Guevera who said: “Some are born great. Some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.”

Tiger was certainly born great, the son of another known philanderer, Earl Woods was presenting the Tiger Woods dog and pony show on Jonny Carson at an age when most parents smash face to face with the clichéd reality of the terrible twos.

Tiger certainly achieved greatness, becoming arguably the greatest golfer to ever play the game.

And he certainly thrust his greatness on every cocktail waitress between Tinsletown and Tasmania. But now we have a chance to thrust greatness on Tiger Woods, all in the name of taming a Capitalist culture that has raged on out of control, driving more and more wealth upwards while half of the world’s population has its hands on only 1% of the world’s wealth.

That is a lot of people who can’t afford the February edition of Vanity Fair.

His role as a pitchman is done not only because his perfect aura has been broken, but also because the very institution of marriage is a requirement for the mathematically impossible aspiration of an ever-expanding capitalist state.

Get married. Have kids. Buy shit you don’t need. Repeat.

Capitalism, like the old boy network that condones philanders (when practice discreetly, of course) is a predatory beast.

Want to throw a kink in the chain and bring some kink into you life? Cheat. Cheat on your spouse, your partner, your lover.

But do it with your partners consent.

That is right- practice consensual non-monogamy. Do it tonight. Send me a thank you card later. But be warned: To do so, you will need to cast off the patriarchal; daddy knows best predatory view of the world. Men, this means your women get to stray as well.

Gay me figured this out a long time ago. That is why they are so, well, happy.

So Ladies, fair ladies: tie your man to a bed post, Strap on a dildo and make him watch you peg his best friend, and then, when he can’t take it any longer- go for a ride on- what do the kids call it nowadays? Yes, go for a ride on his disco stick.

Then send me the pictures.

I’m Davis Fleetwood. I stay in, so you can go out.

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Find THE HERMIT WITH DAVIS FLEETWOOD on YouTube, on iTunes on Facebook
Independently produced. Individually supported. Donate.

President Bill Clinton’s Impeachment Trial Begins ♦ This Day In The USA ♦ Jan 7

President Bill Clinton’s Impeachment Trial Begins ♦ This Day In The USA ♦ Jan 7
by Davis Fleetwood

Question for the day: What does the sexual technique known as “the spider” have to do with peace in the Middle East? The answer, as it is with most questions concerning sex, is everything.

On this day in the USA, January 7^th, 1999, the Senate began its trial of Bill Clinton, the first president to be impeached by the House since Andrew Johnson in 1868.

You remember the details. Kenneth Star, that small weasel of a man extending his fifteen minutes of fame by leveraging the United States reactionary and puritanical tendencies, Bill Clinton’s famously embarrassing linguistic gymnastics, and the Botticelli babe in the Blue dress who had connections to the highest levels of the Israeli government.

True fact.

While not widely known at the time, recent disclosures of previously sealed material from the trial, obtained through the freedom of information act confirm that Monica Lewinsky was, in fact, a Mossad operative.

The Israeli intelligence agency, weary of popular U.S. President in his second term who has spoken about his wish to broker a two state solution for the ongoing Palestine – Israeli conflict had recruited and trained several young women coming out of college on political fast tracks that included White House internships.

In that previously sealed testimony, Lewinsky reveals how Bill Clinton’s DNA getting embedded on the famous blue dress was not the result of Clinton’s voluminous ejaculation, nor did it occur during their most famous liaison – a session that involved Lewinsky under the desk in the oval office “Addressing the court” as they say, while Bill Clinton was on the telephone with an Alabama Representative discussing Bosnian troop levels (it seems they would be rising); rather it was a sexual technique taught to select Mossad operatives called the angry spider that so distracted the leader of the free world and ensured that Palestine remained an occupied land.

While one can lament the opportunities of Bill Clinton’s second term lost to the distraction of the Lewinsky sex scandal, we can certainly tip our cap (and I don’t mean that in a sexual pun kind of way) to the efficiency of Israel as a efficient covert operator: a blue dress from the gap, a new hairstyle from Supercuts, and the power of the angry spider.

Oh what a tangled web was wove-

I’m Davis Fleetwood, reminding you that history is based on actual events.

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